The early years: part 2

Hello again.  I'm back to wrap up the early years leading up to my marriage to my ex-spouse.  So let's get on with it, shall we?

If you haven't read the early years part 1 you might want to do that before reading this.  If you don't, some of this might not make any sense to you.

Well, at this point Terri and I were no longer together.  I had broken it off primarily to get even with Terri for a 6 month break up that happened a year and a half earlier.  During that time I was heart broken, depressed, suicidal, etc.  And when that semester ended I left college and went home.  I swore that no one would ever have such power over me that I could be put in that position again.  So, after we got back together and things were going well for over a year I dumped Terri out of the blue with no warning whatsoever out of revenge. 

***NOTE TO SELF (and to YOU too):  Revenge only brings you more pain in the long run.  Forgiveness brings peace and love, revenge brings chaos and despair.  So you've been warned by someone who has experienced it first hand.  Leave the revenge thing to God.***

Over the next two years Terri and I had minimal contact.  I saw Terri a couple of times, and clearly the electricity was still there.  But, we were both so damaged by our relationship and far too im-mature to work through it.  We were strongly attracted to each other, and frankly still loved each other, but couldn't reconcile the emotional trauma that we had inflicted upon each other. 

Long story short, Terri ended up marrying another person a couple of years after our last break up.  Another long story short, Terri's marriage, like mine, ended in divorce because that spouse was unfaithful.  I'll go into this in some detail later, but what I want you to think about between now and then is this.  Why would both Terri and I have marriages where our spouses were unfaithful?  Interesting question huh?

Now during the time of this breakup, I was dating a lot of people and unfortunately turned into a very promiscuous person.  I told you in part 1 that I tried to replicate what Terri and I had in a nother relationship and I kept trying. 

I went through a great many relationships and then met the person I would finally marry, Toni.

LESSON

Ok, you've gotten the basics of the early years of history leading up to me meeting my ex-spouse.  Time for question and answer:

1. Why do you think that I could not replicate my relationship with Terri in another relationship?
2. Why couldn't Terri and I just get back together and work through our issues?

Let's dig into the first question.  The reason I could not replicate that relationship is because when we joined together and became "one flesh" God supernaturally bonded us together in a way that only a wife and husband are bonded.  You see, in our feeble minds, we don't consider two people bonded until they go through the ceremony and sign a piece of paper called a marriage certificate.  But the bible indicates that when you have sex with someone God supernaturally bonds you to them.  You should research this for yourself.  But God is very serious about this.  He made sex so that a married couple would have a way to bond that is only for the two of them - no one else.  It's very serious business!  So, if we are made in God's image and he made us to bond for life with one mate (the way he has bonded with his bride - the Church - for eternity and is faithful to his bond) what do you suppose happens when we snub our noses at that supernatural bond and move from mate to mate to mate?  It is scientifically proven that when we get involved in a promiscuous lifestyle of bonding and breaking that bond the human brain is actually re-wired.  The good news is that God can fix our wiring if we let him - more on that later.

Ok now, onto the second question.  The reason Terri and I could not just get back together was because we were too immature to deal with the incredible amount of emotional trauma and damage we had inflicted on each other.  But here's the real deal, the primary reason we could not reconcile was because I had sought revenge.  You see, when we take revenge into our own hands we prevent God from working miracles.  Think about it.  When we seek to pay a person back - who may very well have wronged you and sinned against you - we get in the way of God dealing with them.  We become an obstruction to God dealing with them so they come in line with his will.  I will discuss the subject of revenge in some detail in later posts.  But suffice it to say, it is likely that Terri and I would be together and happily married and would have worked through all of our issues if I had not sought to take revenge for the hurt I felt over our first breakup.

Well, I think that's enough for now.  Next time we'll begin to discect my marriage to my ex-spouse Toni and we'll start at the very beginning. 

For now, keep your chin up and remember that God loves YOU!

Patt

The early years: part 1

Ok, I guess if I'm really going to do this I should start at the beginning.  That means several years before I met my ex-spouse.

When I was in my late teens I met the love of my life.  I'll call that person Terri.  I was a freshman in college at the local University.  Terri was also enrolled at the University.  I remember coming out of my dorm and heading to the student union and I saw Terri walking out of the union.  I was completely dumbstruck.  Terri was so handsomely beautiful.  I was immediately overwhelmed with "love at first sight".

Fast forward a month... a friend of mine introduced me to Terri at a holiday dance.  I had gone there with several friends and, as fate would have it, so had Terri.  We danced and talked and laughed.  I can remember the feeling of electricity going through me when Terri reached out and grabbed hold of my hand as we exited the dance floor to sit down.  This was unlike anything I had ever experienced.  I was head over heels and we'd known each other for just about two hours.

Well, there's no need to go through all the details.  Suffice it to say that Terri and I launched ourselves on a journey that lasted about 1,000 days (which seemed like an awfully long time at that age).  It was incredible:  full of love, happiness, and passion - none of which we were mature enough to handle.  We loved each other deeply and that was very real.  But we were too young to understand the damage we were doing to each other.

Did I mention that our relationship was full of passion?  In every way possible it was passionate.  And this is where the first rub you and I may have comes in.  And it deals with SEX!  I didn't understand at all God's reasons to forbid sex outside the marriage relationship.  I mean, I had every intention of spending the rest of my life with Terri.  And Terri and I loved each other deeply.  And we had taken it very slow, and both of us were completely inexperienced when it came to intimacy, both physical and emotional.  So we would be growing together and maturing together. 

In retrospect, I did a great job of rationalization.  But what I didn't count on was that Terri and I would not make it past 3 years.  And that relationship, or rather the breakup of that relationship, changed me - and not for the good.  I spent the next several years trying to replicate that relationship, and to no avail.  I had many relationships,  but could never replicate the one I had with Terri. 

And so I began a journey that led to my ex-spouse.  And it's there that I'll pick things up next time.  And we'll also talk about this whole sex thing and why God forbid's it outside of the marriage relationship.

But for now, have a great day and remember that God Loves YOU!

Pat