The early years: part 2

Hello again.  I'm back to wrap up the early years leading up to my marriage to my ex-spouse.  So let's get on with it, shall we?

If you haven't read the early years part 1 you might want to do that before reading this.  If you don't, some of this might not make any sense to you.

Well, at this point Terri and I were no longer together.  I had broken it off primarily to get even with Terri for a 6 month break up that happened a year and a half earlier.  During that time I was heart broken, depressed, suicidal, etc.  And when that semester ended I left college and went home.  I swore that no one would ever have such power over me that I could be put in that position again.  So, after we got back together and things were going well for over a year I dumped Terri out of the blue with no warning whatsoever out of revenge. 

***NOTE TO SELF (and to YOU too):  Revenge only brings you more pain in the long run.  Forgiveness brings peace and love, revenge brings chaos and despair.  So you've been warned by someone who has experienced it first hand.  Leave the revenge thing to God.***

Over the next two years Terri and I had minimal contact.  I saw Terri a couple of times, and clearly the electricity was still there.  But, we were both so damaged by our relationship and far too im-mature to work through it.  We were strongly attracted to each other, and frankly still loved each other, but couldn't reconcile the emotional trauma that we had inflicted upon each other. 

Long story short, Terri ended up marrying another person a couple of years after our last break up.  Another long story short, Terri's marriage, like mine, ended in divorce because that spouse was unfaithful.  I'll go into this in some detail later, but what I want you to think about between now and then is this.  Why would both Terri and I have marriages where our spouses were unfaithful?  Interesting question huh?

Now during the time of this breakup, I was dating a lot of people and unfortunately turned into a very promiscuous person.  I told you in part 1 that I tried to replicate what Terri and I had in a nother relationship and I kept trying. 

I went through a great many relationships and then met the person I would finally marry, Toni.

LESSON

Ok, you've gotten the basics of the early years of history leading up to me meeting my ex-spouse.  Time for question and answer:

1. Why do you think that I could not replicate my relationship with Terri in another relationship?
2. Why couldn't Terri and I just get back together and work through our issues?

Let's dig into the first question.  The reason I could not replicate that relationship is because when we joined together and became "one flesh" God supernaturally bonded us together in a way that only a wife and husband are bonded.  You see, in our feeble minds, we don't consider two people bonded until they go through the ceremony and sign a piece of paper called a marriage certificate.  But the bible indicates that when you have sex with someone God supernaturally bonds you to them.  You should research this for yourself.  But God is very serious about this.  He made sex so that a married couple would have a way to bond that is only for the two of them - no one else.  It's very serious business!  So, if we are made in God's image and he made us to bond for life with one mate (the way he has bonded with his bride - the Church - for eternity and is faithful to his bond) what do you suppose happens when we snub our noses at that supernatural bond and move from mate to mate to mate?  It is scientifically proven that when we get involved in a promiscuous lifestyle of bonding and breaking that bond the human brain is actually re-wired.  The good news is that God can fix our wiring if we let him - more on that later.

Ok now, onto the second question.  The reason Terri and I could not just get back together was because we were too immature to deal with the incredible amount of emotional trauma and damage we had inflicted on each other.  But here's the real deal, the primary reason we could not reconcile was because I had sought revenge.  You see, when we take revenge into our own hands we prevent God from working miracles.  Think about it.  When we seek to pay a person back - who may very well have wronged you and sinned against you - we get in the way of God dealing with them.  We become an obstruction to God dealing with them so they come in line with his will.  I will discuss the subject of revenge in some detail in later posts.  But suffice it to say, it is likely that Terri and I would be together and happily married and would have worked through all of our issues if I had not sought to take revenge for the hurt I felt over our first breakup.

Well, I think that's enough for now.  Next time we'll begin to discect my marriage to my ex-spouse Toni and we'll start at the very beginning. 

For now, keep your chin up and remember that God loves YOU!

Patt